Chapter Seventeen

I opened my eyes, straining against the sunlight and stared at the ceiling. It took me a minute to get my bearings but I soon realized I was in my own bed. I wondered if my texting Max last night was all a dream and if I really did go driving with him. I moved to sit up, but the sharp pain in my head was enough to alert me that last night was very much real. I looked to my left and saw a bottle of water sitting in a bowl of ice that had mostly melted and next to that were two aspirin. I smiled a little when I saw a note from Max next to that on the nightstand. “Treat that hangover well and get a lot of rest. I’ll talk to you soon.---Max.” It even had a ridiculous smiley face at the bottom. I took the aspirin with the water and laid back down, trying to remember what happened last night. Only bits and pieces of it were coming back to me though. And then suddenly, a fear gripped me. Had I said or done anything insane? Oh my god! Did we sleep together? Not quite wanting to face the world just yet, I pulled the covers over my head and went right back to sleep.

When I awoke a few hours later, it was nearing three in the afternoon. My headache had subsided and I was now able to move around without a pounding in my brain. I took a quick shower and changed into a different pair of sweats and a Rays t-shirt this time and headed downstairs. I grabbed my cell phone out of my North Face, which had been placed so neatly on the back of the couch, and sat down. I had one text from Max that read “call me when you wake up. i wanna know your okay.” I took a deep breath, afraid to find out exactly what went on last night. Finally, I mustered the courage to call him.

“Hello?” he answered groggily. I was immediately mad at myself. I should have known he was taking a nap at this time.

“I’m sorry! Did I wake you?” I asked apologetically.

“No…well yeah, but it’s okay. I had to be up in a little while anyway,” he said. I heard him trying to stifle a yawn. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. My headache’s pretty much gone. Thanks for the aspirin,” I said, biting my lip. My nervous habit.

“Yeah, no problem. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he replied. Then the awkward silence ensued. I waited for him to say something else and when he didn’t, I decided to change the subject.

“So, how’s Geno?” I asked nonchalantly. I heard him sigh heavily on the other end. I could picture him closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, “Geno’s fine. We’re all fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Max,” I began, “what’s wrong with you? Did I say something? Is it because I mentioned Geno? Max, come on. I’m with him, not you.” I could hear Max trying to control his breathing on the other end.

“But that’s not what you---,” he cut himself off mid sentence. “Nevermind.”

“That’s not what I, what?” I asked, fearing the answer he would give. “What happened last night?”

“Well…we kissed,” he began quietly, “and you…you said some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” I asked, gripping the phone with both hands.

“That you…that you wanted me,” his voice was almost a whisper now and I wasn’t even sure if I heard him correctly. I closed my eyes and all of a sudden everything that transpired last night came flooding back to me. I could remember, clear as day, telling him that I only wanted him. I remembered calling him “Maxie”. And most of all, I remembered his answer when I asked him why he didn’t have a girlfriend. The silence on my end of the call had gone on too long. “Riley?”

“Um, I gotta go. Bye,” I said quickly, then threw the phone on the other side of the couch. Oh man! If it took me getting completely drunk to admit my true feelings for Max, I certainly didn’t want to admit them to myself when I was sober. Sure I had some type of attraction to Max, but that was natural…right? He was so good looking and charming and sweet and sensitive and…no. I could not fall for him. I was with Geno. Geno, Geno, Geno. He was my boyfriend. Not Max. But something inside me always drew me to Max. I couldn’t stay away from him and that was an issue. It’s like I was looking for trouble. There were a million other people I could have texted last night, but something made me text him. And then, what he said about why he didn’t have a girlfriend. That was about me. And it made me feel special. That was it! He made me feel wanted and needed. That had to be the reason why I liked being around him so much. I closed my eyes and tried to sort out all my thoughts and when that failed, I decided I needed a distraction. So, for the next four hours, I unpacked every last box that I had been neglecting. And when I finished, I had such a feeling of accomplishment. At around 7:30, with pizza in hand, I plopped myself down in front of the television and settled in for the game. Pittsburgh killed Nashville 5-1 and it was actually a pretty interesting game. Geno scored twice, Max scored twice, and Ryan scored once. Great, some creepy, weird scoring competition now. Maybe they weren’t consciously aware of it, but still. That night I decided to turn in early so I grabbed my stuff and headed up to the bedroom. No sooner than when my head hit the pillow did my cell phone start vibrating. I contemplated ignoring it, but once I saw that it was Geno, I answered.

“Hello?” I asked, even though I knew full well who it was.

“Hi, Riley,” he said gingerly. “How you today?”

“I’m doing great,” I answered. “You played awesome tonight.”

“Oh thanks. I glad to hear you good. Miss you,” he said sweetly. My heart ached in my chest and I wanted to, again, throw my phone on the other side of the room. I didn’t deserve him. He was too good for me. I suddenly felt the urge to cry.

“Miss you too, Geno,” I choked back sobs as I spoke. And I really did miss him. He was my comfort zone. I needed him. I could almost see him smiling on the other end.

“Well, we get ready to go out. Just call to say goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight babe, I’ll see you soon,” I replied.

“Goodnight.” And the called ended. Before I could stop myself, I felt the tears begin to leak out of my eyes. I was crying way too much these days. However, as I sobbed silently into my pillow, my phone began to ring again. Max this time.

“Hello?” I tried to clear my throat before answering, but it was no use. I still sounded as if I just finished crying.

“Riley?! Are you crying?” Max asked frantically.

“No,” I lied into the phone. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” I could feel myself pouting and I hated that quality.

“Okay, I understand,” he answered. Awkward silence.

“Well?” I asked, finding myself getting more annoyed by the second. And not so much at him. More at the fact that I secretly was hoping he called. I just wanted to hear his voice. And when I let myself realize that that’s what I had been waiting for all night, I got even angrier at my stupid, confused, can’t make up my mind, feelings.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay. You hung up kind of quickly before. I mean I understand if you don’t feel the same way at all as what you said last night. I mean, I told you you’d regret it today if you remembered…,” he trailed off and I felt the heat rising to my cheeks.

“Oh, no. I don’t know,” I admitted, my head swimming with confusion. What the hell did I want?

“We don’t have to talk about it now, or ever if you don’t want to,” he said in a reassuring voice. And the truth was that I did want to talk about it. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to be myself. I wanted to be honest. Maybe I did want him the way I did last night. Or maybe that was just the liquor talking. Before I could even answer I heard Ryan’s voice in the background.

“Who is that?” he asked severely, obviously meaning the call.

“None of your goddamn business,” Max retorted.

“Is that Riley?!” he shouted.

“Could be, could be not,” Max answered smugly.

“Hang it up!” Ryan shot back.

“Come over here and fucking make me!” Max replied. Honestly, they sounded like third graders.

“I’ll do it for you. Goodnight Max,” I said, hanging up the phone. And just to release some tension, I threw it to the other side of the room and went to bed.